The New Man In My Life

Isaac and Baba

Weaverville, North Carolina

Isaac Thomas Ratkovich.

When my son married in 2019, the number one question I was asked was when I would be a grandma. In our world, a grandmother is called Baba, so was I hoping for a grandchild to call me Baba? My answer was a resounding "NO!"

I have always said I would be happy to be a Baba when my children are ready to be parents. And in total transparency, I wasn't prepared to be "old enough" for grandkids, which is wholly vain and ridiculous. Most of my friends I grew up with have grandchildren, so what was my problem? Looking back, I thought that graduating to the position of Baba meant entering a chapter of my life I was not looking forward to. I was hanging on to my "youth," so to speak.

Oh man, what a delusion I was living!

When my son and daughter-in-law called to tell me they were expecting, I jumped from my chair and ran around screaming and clapping in a way my MS body didn't know it could do. My reaction surprised the kids and me even more. It took me by surprise.

I spent the remaining months in eager anticipation. Being 1,000 miles away was difficult. As much as I wanted to be a part of that preparation phase, I could only sit on the sideline and watch.

Finally, in March, my first grandchild entered this world one day before his due date. And he was perfect in every way. Healthy and beautiful. My daughter-in-law was a birthing machine, having gone through much of her labor before reaching the hospital. My admiration for her went up several notches, which is saying a lot as I am amazed by her.

They made decisions that were opposite to my experience when I had my children. They didn't want extended family there when he was born. They wanted to welcome Isaac and create their new family in private. This wasn't very clear to me at first. In my version of this experience, I wanted and expected our parents to be there when our children were born. And they were. But after time and mindful consideration, I understood and admired their decision. Like everything they do together, they make careful decisions and do what is best for them based on their vision of the life they are creating.

This week, after waiting an agonizing three months, I finally got to meet my grandson. My children gave me a trip to fly and spend a week with my son's new family. They built a new home that wasn't ready until after Isaac was born and are finally settled into it. I watch with pride as I see them write this new chapter of their life. They are lovely, patient, tender parents. Their home is built with a growing family in mind. I couldn't be prouder.

I now have a new man in my life and am madly in love. He doesn't know how much he loves me at three months old, but he will learn! He only wants mommy and daddy right now. Separation fussiness is a real thing, and that's okay. We have time.

It is a fantastic thing, really. This lifelong idea that someday my life will include a grandchild became a possibility, then an idea, then a truth, and now a reality. It has been surreal, but now, having met him, held him, and kissed his cheeks, he is no longer a dream. He is real.

He has awakened in me a new sense of purpose. I want to be a light in his life. A person he looks up to and can count on. I want to be a positive example of integrity, honesty, and resilience. And, of course, playfulness, fun, and love.

And for that, I need to be my best self. Becoming that for Isaac and my future grandchildren is my purpose. My motivation. My desire.

I have some work to do, and I welcome it. And as I like to say…

My cup runneth over.

Until next time,